


hourglass

by midnight_files



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Drabble, Fluff and Angst, IT'S ME, M/M, Mark Lee Graduates NCT Dream, NCT Dream - Freeform, Unresolved Emotional Tension, god people are so fucking gay, i'm people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 18:22:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20679869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnight_files/pseuds/midnight_files
Summary: renjun succumbs to his thoughts.





	hourglass

Midnight lulls the city to rest, basking it in the serenity that comes with the moonlight. A soft breeze makes its way through the streets, drifting up and into the cracked open window of Renjun’s room. The warm embrace of his bed does little to comfort him from the haunting memories replaying in his head. There are some things he can’t _ forget_, especially not on nights where he’s alone in the dorm.

The rest of the members were still awake and recording at the studio but Renjun had managed to finish his part quickly, perfecting it within the first take. He would’ve lingered to hear Donghyuck’s soothing vocals or Jisung’s maturing rap, even Chenle’s high pitched giggling, or Jeno and Jaemin’s deep harmonization, had his manager not ushered him out the studio and ordered him to get some rest.

  
It’s _ lonesome._

Months ago, Renjun would still be at the studio, writing lyrics with _him_. They’d lose track of time amid their shared laughter, soft humming, and finger drumming. Words would be thrown in the air carelessly, trying to invoke inspiration from each other, and then Renjun would be the first to crack, suggesting to the older that they should retire for the night. Most of the times, the two of them would be the last to come back home. Sometimes, Renjun’s palm would be curled around Mark’s arm; other times, Mark would have intertwined his fingers with Renjun’s.

Renjun glances at his hand, eyeing it as if it were a foreign object, before grasping at thin air and sighing.

He misses the warmth of Mark’s palm pressed against his own; misses how that same warmth crawled up the back of his neck, the hills of his cheek; misses the smug teasing he would receive afterwards.

And, of course, it didn’t stop at that.

He misses the sense of security that came with the forgotten touches; when Mark would pull him into a reassuring hug all-too-knowingly; when they would hold hands and sit in silence on the balcony, not needing words to communicate their thoughts; when they would huddle up on the couch and Mark would brush away the tears decorating Renjun’s lashes. 

Mark had always been doting, Renjun remembers. Not just with him, but with everyone; probably since he had been the oldest and held the position of leadership.

When Jisung had scraped his knee during dance practice, Mark had been the first to react, whipping out a band-aid from _ god knows where _ and applying it carefully onto the wound. When Chenle had been scolded by the managers for being too loud, Mark had spoke up to defend him, risking receiving a punishment himself. When Jaemin struggled to get his rap right, Mark stayed until ungodly hours just to help him perfect it. 

And Renjun can’t forget about when Mark had rushed out in the rain to find Jeno and Donghyuck when they hadn’t come home in time; can’t forget the look of worry on his face when his manager had explained she’d _lost _them and the complete disregard for his own well-being as he’d rushed out without an umbrella or even a coat; and definitely can’t forget his own heart racing with concern and the tears threatening to spill as he’d scolded Mark for being so _ haste _ with his decision.

Maybe Mark knew. Maybe he had caught onto how Renjun’s stare lingered a few seconds too long; how Renjun struggled to come up with a coherent reply to his compliments; how Renjun, who loathed skinship, was always searching for his hand with his own.

Then again, Mark was completely oblivious to everything that had to do with _ himself, _so Renjun doubts it. It’s for their own good too, for a secret that big could jeopardize both their careers.

But there had been times where Renjun was so _ close _ to risking it because _ fuck, _the butterflies in his stomach just wouldn’t leave him alone.

The closest he’s been to tossing away everything for Mark was when he had caught him lurking in the studio, hunched over, and lacking the usual enthusiasm he did when producing songs. It was time for them to meet, as usual, and discuss ideas, but when he’d opened the door, Mark had greeted him with puffy eyes, rosy cheeks, and a broken smile. Renjun had wrapped his arms around him and held him for the night, until Mark’s state of vulnerability had passed and they’d gone home together, hand in hand. There was so much he wanted to say and do that night. He’d wanted to make a whole impromptu speech on why Mark shouldn’t listen to critiques; he’d wanted to kiss away the tears rolling down flushed cheeks; he’d wanted to run his hands through those golden dyed locks and tell him that anyone who didn’t see how _ beautiful _ he was, was insane.

Renjun sighs and tucks his blanket under his chin, needing the wind to fan his cheeks that were heated from replaying the memory in his head.

He’d never said anything though.

When Mark came to bid them his ‘goodbye’, following his departure from the Dream Unit, Renjun had just gave him a tight-lipped smile, not trusting his voice to say anything. He’d left the scene first, excusing himself out of an embrace and simply giving a wave before heading towards his bedroom. The tears came after everyone had gone to bed, when he was left facing the empty mattress that had belonged to the cause of his heartache.

Grimacing at the memory, Renjun brings his palms up and digs their heels against his closed eyelids, willing himself not to cry, but the tears still come.

The tears still come because his mind wanders to how happy Mark seems recently, happier than he’s ever been before, while Renjun remains a prison of the past.

  
He’s _ glowing _ like he’s never done around him.

Renjun dreads the way Donghyuck always mentions Mark’s name whenever he comes back from a 127 schedule. He can tell from the way Donghyuck’s eyes light up when he’s mentioning the boy’s name and from the way he blushes a pretty pink when Jeno starts to tease him about it that there’s something going on between the two. At first, he would make up stupid excuses to not listen to the rest of Donghyuck’s stories after Mark’s name slips past the sun-kissed male’s lips, but nowadays he finds himself clinging onto every word with a heavy heart. 

It eases him that Mark’s doing alright, so he doesn’t understand why he finds himself staring at the mirror late at night, glaring at his tear-stained cheeks.

Getting onto his feet, he drags his body out of bed and stares at his reflection off the window, hating the way his damp lashes stick together.

He wishes he was anywhere but here, alone with insecure thoughts and a broken heart.

Renjun fails to hear the door to his room open and only realizes someone else is in the room when a patch of gray locks appear behind him in the glass and limp arms wind around his waist, a hoarse voice mumbling compliments into his ear.

Jaemin tugs him away from his thoughts, into bed, and holds him; holds him until Renjun can finally dismiss the memories and give into fatigue.

The door pushes open for a second time later on, but in the morning, with an enthusiastic ‘Surprise’. Renjun, however, is fast asleep in Jaemin’s arms and isn’t able to hear the disappointed ‘Oh’ before the door shuts again and the pair of footsteps fade away.

**Author's Note:**

> whoaaaa first time i actually check over my writing... but i still have mistakes probably lol  
it's been so long since i've uploaded  
i hope everyone is ok  
plz don't hate me for my hanging ideas or fics  
i'm just rly.. lacking muse for them T___T  
thank u and as always comments or suggestions are welcome and encouraged love u <3
> 
> [ twt. ](https://twitter.com/sookais_)


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